Kids are so damn expensive

Cheeks has been losing teeth left and right for the past two months. She's lost a total of eight teeth (4 on top and 4 on bottom). She just lost her 4th tooth on the top, which allowed one of her top middle teeth to come in. I noticed that it was big and seemed to be blocking the tooth next to it.

Today Jack took both kids to their semi-annual dental appointment. They took a panoramic x-ray of Cheeks and have referred her to the orthodontist.

*headdesk*

Mother-f-er. SRSLY? W already had to get a butt load of ortho work done. He's 8 years old and has already had braces. He has space maintainers on the top and he's getting them for the bottom on Friday. We switched insurance at the beginning of the year. I figured since we were already maxed out on ortho for W, we wouldn't need it anyway. Now the insurance we have, ortho is excluded.

Does it ever end? I mean, really. I need to sell a kidney or some shit. Any takers?

A "not very pleasant" note from W

We were in Northern California for my MIL's wedding from Wednesday to Sunday. On Friday night, we threw her a surprise bridal shower. As most people know, bridal showers are generally for females. So W was very upset that he couldn't come upstairs and be a part of it. Cheeks was w/ us, as was his four year old cousin. He wasn't a happy camper. They have a big bonus room upstairs and I could kind of seem him loitering outside the door, giving me the evil eye.

A few minutes after I saw them, he came in and handed me a fake rose petal (part of the decorations). He said "This note is for you. It's not a very pleasant note." and then he left.

I'm kind of having to wing it, b/c I can't find the damn thing. Which really pisses me off, b/c I thought I put it in my pocket. I went upstairs and asked him and he remembered it word for word. Somehow, that doesn't surprise me.

Dear moma,
I'm not going to be your ring bearer anymore. And I'm serious.
Not your love,
W

I have more stories about him. Including the speech he gave at the reception. God, I love that kid.

Kids & Tofu

I don't make tofu very often. If you don't cook it right, it tastes like, well, nothing. If you make you're able to make good tofu, then it is good.

On Sunday night, I made Barbequed Tofu Sandwiches. They were really good. Jack and even my brother liked them. Because of this misconception that W has about "my" food, I told him it was chicken. No, that doesn't make me horrible. Just sneaky. LOL

He loved it. LOVED it. He even wanted seconds. I couldn't eat my whole sandwich, so I gave him the rest of mine. As he was finishing his, I told him what it really was. He thought I meant the one I gave him. I told him that it was all the same. After that, he wouldn't eat anymore.

Freaking kids. This is what happens when I try to cook. Next time, I'm just going to stick to the lie.

He's like me in one way

The running joke in our family is that Cheeks is my mini-me. Well, W is like me in some ways, too.

Yesterday morning, I told him to get dressed (twice) and when he didn't come downstairs, I went up to see what he was doing. He was still in his underwear and he was reading. He's been really into the Lemony Snicket series and was almost done w/ one of the books. It instantly brought to mind how many times I was caught reading when I wasn't supposed to be.

Honestly, I did know if I should hug him or yell at him.

My April Fool's Joke

At about 2:00 a.m. on April 1st, 1999 I woke up after having the strangest dream - in which I was having labor pains and Tom Cruise (this was back before he went batshit crazy, thankyouvermuch) was my birthing coach - with a dire need to use the bathroom. I crawled out of bed and headed down the hall to the bathroom. When I got back to bed I found the surprise of a lifetime - my bed was soaked. And not in a good way.

I was in labor (though sadly there was no Tom in sight) and my water had broken. I woke up my (now ex) husband and told him it was time to go to the hospital. While he scrambled around all panicked I grabbed a quick shower and put a bag together (I wasn't due for another 9 days, so I hadn't packed one yet). The RB (my ex) was basically useless, standing there staring at me while I finished packing and getting myself ready to go. Eventually I told him he needed to get dressed and he shook his head like he was coming out of a daze and threw some clothes on.

While he did that I called his mom to let her know we were bringing The Girl over and then called my mom (who was living in California at the time) to let her know we were going to the hospital. That done, I woke The Girl up and got her ready to go.

We gathered everything up and headed out the door, only to stop short. While we'd been sleeping peacefully in our beds a storm had moved in and there was over 3 feet of snow on the ground with a blizzard still raging. Naturally, because nothing can ever be easy, we didn't own a 4 wheel drive. The RB went down to clear off the car and warm it up.

It was slow going - when there's a storm like that the streets don't get plowed in the middle of the night - but we eventually made it to his parent's house where we dropped The Girl off, and then to the hospital. Once we were all checked in and I had an epidural (best invention like, ever) we settled in to wait.

I'll spare you the gruesome details of labor and delivery (like how the RB said I sounded like a pig while grunting through contractions and I broke his hand - hey, he isn't the Rat Bastard for nothing), but at 10:49 a.m., Little Man was born. We made the requisite calls and then I knocked out. I was discharged from the hospital at 9:00 the next morning. When we got home we checked the answering machine and there were about 15 messages, almost all of them from my mother, "If this is some kind of April Fool's joke I'm going to kick your ass! Call me back!"

Gotta love the Devil Woman.

Like I said, his due date wasn't until April 9th, so in a way, he was my April Fool's joke.

Dear Little Man,

You're a strange child, often a PITA, occasionally super silly and stubborn as all get out. But you're also helpful, sweet and a total joy to me.

I love you with all my heart and I'm so glad you're mine. Yes, even when you're a PITA.

Happy 10th Birthday, Baby Boy!

Love,

Your mama